Today on MSN

The headline of msn.com's "MUST-SEE" section is "Man wins two jackpots at $3M" with a picture of a regional map showing "Bonne Terre, Mo."  Really.  That's the best picture they could find?  And guess what?  That same story pops up every few months when someone hits their second jackpot somewhere.  I suppose that is also about how long it takes for the average reader to forget about the last time they heard about it.  The guy didn't win two lotteries at the same time, he just won twice this year.  Playing scratch tickets.  Which means he probably played a lot of scratch tickets.  Big friggin' deal, huh?  Well, lottery fantasies apparently get clicks.  Let's see what else is getting clicks today:

"Police investigate 'Sister Wives' family"
"Games use 'super monkey' guards"
"Man climbs 82-foot-pole in seconds"
"'Death ray' at hotel heats up guests"
"Sneak a peek at hot new car models"
"Bing: Teens go all out to get tan"
"Bing: Transgender teen dethroned"

I don't even know where to begin.  Of course I am going to click on a "MUST-SEE" story about "super monkeys!"  Who wouldn't?  Same goes for the "death ray," and that is exactly why they are there.  But what does MSN really think about its readers?  That is to say, what's up with this other stuff?

"Sister Wives family?"  I don't even want to know what that means.  That's even more creepy than a man climbing a pole.  Honestly, who wants to see a man climbing a pole?  Car models might be interesting, but hardly "MUST-SEE" to me. 

The other two are links to "Bing" searches.  That means they aren't actual stories, but they might still generate click revenue.  And is it really news that teenagers want to get tans?  I think we already knew that.  What type of pervert would click on a story -- sorry, do a search -- for teens tanning?

Apparently, "transgender" is not a word according to my spell-checker, interestingly enough.  Whatever.  This headline made me wonder how a teenager could be "transgender," or exactly what they meant.  Evidently (yes, I clicked through) it means a girl who dresses up like a boy and plans to have a sex change operation when she turns 18.  When I was a teenager I grew my hair long and dyed it green, and planned to run for president when I turned 35.  Since I'm only 31 now, I guess that makes me an emo presidential hopeful, or something (and apparently emo is not a word either...).

Now I'm not discounting this individual's feeling about their identity or anything else.  Frankly I just don't care.  She can define herself however she wants, and a lot of people are going to get riled up about it.  People will stick their nose in her business (whether or not she's "asking for it") and raise a big hullabaloo (that is a word!) over something that is only really important to her and the people that know her personally.  But it generates traffic to Bing, which is all that matters.

Clearly, the MSN demographic is weird, or MSN thinks so.  I should get rid of my hotmail account to avoid being subjected to their news page every time I check my email.  But there is great power in inertia, and even if I switch to my gmail, things will still come to the hotmail account and I will have to check it.  There is no escape, except to close the window immediately upon logging out.  From now on, whenever I'm about to log out of hotmail, I am going to click into another tab in Firefox so I never need to see the MSN homepage again.

Aw, who am I kidding?  Where else am I going to read about the super monkeys?

Journalism Rocks

So the original idea for this blog was to use it to post responses to the many ridiculous articles that I see on a daily basis. My hope was to find one per day.

Day one. And I can't find an article. I decided that varied "news" sources would be the best things for me to to address, so my first thought was to check my RSS feed subscriptions. But then I thought -- what about other people who don't share my screwball taste in journalism? So instead I started with a fairly prominent news outlet -- Guardian UK.

Great. So what are they writing about on their web site? Well, apparently Bjorn Lomborg (sorry for getting rid of that crazy "ø" in the first name, but SEVIS II is coming, so get used to it, Bjorn!), a prominent "skeptical environmentalist" is releasing a book that admits to climate change, blah blah blah I am practically falling asleep just thinking about trying to respond to that article.

The rest of the Guardian home page seems foreign or somehow indecipherable. There's a headline that US "Homeowners flock to Florida in bid to save properties," and this just doesn't sound like America to me. Perhaps "US Homeowners flock to Florida for apparent cheap deals, get swindled..."

I scroll down and it is just garbage upon garbage. I could have just stuck with MSN. Seriously. Let's look at their front page right now... Okay they do five slides now so this is going to be tiring:

Slide 1:
"Earl Upgraded, Clemens in Court & More News," okay so there's a hurricane. That's always exciting, but is it a real story? Does it merit the top spot? You tell me. How about "Clemens in Court?" I could not possibly care less about Roger Clemens. The only reason I should know his name is because I went through a phase when I liked baseball as a kid. And I am from Boston. That name, however, has been pounded into my brain by foolish talking heads and "journalists" for months -- no, years! "More News?" How about, "more stuff that will make you want to jam a pencil in your eye?" Christ below!

Okay, Slide 2:
"Who Were the Emmys' Best & Worst Dressed?" Um. Really? There's a "good" picture of Tina Fey on the left, and a "bad" picture of some redhead with too much cleavage on the right. Not sure who the one on the right is, but more importantly, who cares? What are "Emmys?" Is that even a word? My spell-checker says no.

I'm not going to even bother going on with that, so Slide 3:
"'I Can't Spend All My Time With My Birth Certificate Plastered on My Forehead," quoting US president Obama. Apparently, his majesty the president likes to capitalize words, unless they are prepositions, except for "With." Or maybe he just doesn't like the word "On." I guess this would be a real story, if the "exclusive interview" they mention reveals that the president was not born in America, and hence not our president, but if that were the case it would have surely been on Slide 1. I don't think it would fly if they just titled it: "Obama: Still American." Next, please.

Slide 4:
"Celebrities Caught in Bad Romance Songs." For those of you who have been wearing earplugs for the past year or so (and I applaud you), "Bad Romance" is a reference to a song by an artist named Lady Gaga. The story itself is evidently about celebrities whose amorous endeavors have inspired various songs about love/heartache. Yawn.

Slide 5:
"The Fresh Factor." The subtitle reads: "Make sure you know the lifespan of bread, meats & cheese to keep your food tasting great & your family safe." What is with MSN & their love of ampersands? This is the most appealing of the slides, because it has a picture of cheese and meat. Also, I know that I can rest safe at night knowing that my food will taste great and my family will be safe. My family, safe at last.

This is worse than the Guardian. Okay, so maybe I am being a little harsh here. Maybe I should remember that the "M" in "MSN" stand for "Microsoft," a software company. Not a news company. Maybe I am just looking in all the wrong places. Let's check out the New York Times.

Middle East, victims, soldiers, suffering.
Problems with our eggs.
Resurgence of bedbugs.
Chilean miners trapped for months.

I think I'll just stop here. Let's go find out how long salami lasts in the fridge...